History[edit]
Terminology[edit]
The origin of the term "friends with benefits" is difficult to trace, even though the phrase is in regular use and a familiar part of the current social lexicon. The earliest known use of the term is documented in Alanis Morissette's 1995–1996 song "Head over Feet" in the lyric "you're my best friend, best friend with benefits".[6]
Third wave feminism[edit]
According to research, women often report that they do not feel their needs are being met in FWB relationships. Third wave feminism is the evolution of second-wave feminism. Third-wave feminism is the belief that "young women should not be inhibited either by traditional norms of sexuality that stigmatize female sexual experimentation in non-committed relationships, nor by a sense that one form of sexual practice is more "feminist" than another (Williams & Jovanovic, pp. 158)."[7] Third-wave feminism is often described in comparison to its past versions as "more evolved and sexually expressive, and third wave feminists defy the expectation that women's sexuality is simplistic." Third-wave feminists also reject the notion that young women engaging in casual sex, FWB relationships, etc. should be labeled as "sluts". Arguments can be made by third wave feminists on both sides about the positives and negatives of FWB relationships. On the one hand, FWB relationships allow women to explore their sexuality in an affaire de coeur that can be considered "safe", even if it is non-committal, giving them the space to communicate their needs. On another hand, FWB relationships may not help women navigate the full extent of their sexual agency without exploitation.
Portrayal in media[edit]
In 2011, Friends with Benefits, starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, was released which depicted a friends with benefits relationship between the two co-stars. Within the same year, the film No Strings Attached, starring Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher was also released. It as well depicted a friends with benefits relationship between its own two co-stars. Since then, the concept has become a phenomenon that is frequently referenced in popular culture and adopted by society.
Research and studies[edit]
There are many studies that examine how FWB relationships progress among college aged students.
In an era of increased sexual liberation, casual sexual relationships continue to become more prominent.[2] Studies show that an increasing number of college students, both male and female, report having a friends with benefits relationship at some point.[1] Men tend to view FWB relationships as casual, while women tend to view them as friendships.[7] Men are also more likely to have sexual relations with someone that they are not in a romantic relationship with.[8]
Themes that emerged from one study on FWB at a university in southern California included "(1) FWB relationships as empowering to young women, (2) FWB relationships as not empowering to young women, (3) FWB relationships as providing a safe option in place of hook-ups, and (4) control and power in FWB relationships."[7]: 167
Another study proved that individuals who avoid attachment experience less sexual satisfaction in relationships. This study also found a correlation between attachment anxiety and sexual satisfaction.[9]
As FWB relationships continue to be a topic of interest, research on the subject is starting to lose its negative connotation. FWB relationships continue to grow in popularity amongst young people and older people without young children.[4]
Theories[edit]
Affection exchange theory[edit]
Affection exchange theory asserts that "individuals need to give and receive affection in order to survive and procreate".[9] When individuals are a part of healthy relationships that allow them to show affection without question, they have less anxiety in other, more involved relationships. Some FWB relationships can withhold affection,[10] whereas other FWB relationships can provide the opportunity for participants to give and receive affection, even though they may only see their relationship as "low-maintenance": Post sex communication like pillow talk, cuddling, and kissing can have positive outcomes. When this affection does not happen, but is desired, individuals who desire affection and who are aware of a partner's longing for it can both harbor hostility.[10]
Research shows that relationships (like some FWB relationships) that do not include healthy post sex engagement can experience attachment avoidance due to lack of affectionate communication. In order for individuals to feel sexual satisfaction, it is important to understand the attachment needs of the parties involved in the sexual relationship.[10]
Self-determination theory[edit]
Stein, Mongeau, et al. (2019)[2] claim that part of the allure of friends with benefits relationships ties into self-determination theory (SDT). SDT delves into the human need to continuously search for new challenges. So many people find FWB relationships attractive because of the allure of the easy-going non-committal relationship.[2](p 318)
The root of SDT is the need to have goals that are either approach focused, or avoidance focused. Approach-focused goals are centered on what an individual can gain from a relationship – in a FWB situation this necessarily includes sex. Avoidance-focused goals look at failures that can be avoided. In the case of FWB relationships, an individual can avoid a romantic relationship with a negative ending.[2]