Jewish wedding
A Jewish wedding is a wedding ceremony that follows Jewish laws and traditions. While wedding ceremonies vary, common features of a Jewish wedding include a ketubah (marriage contract) that is signed by two witnesses, a chuppah or huppah (wedding canopy), a ring owned by the groom that is given to the bride under the canopy, and the breaking of a glass.
For 1903 painting by Jozef Israëls, see A Jewish Wedding.
Technically, the Jewish wedding process has two distinct stages.[1] The first, kiddushin (Hebrew for "betrothal"; sanctification or dedication, also called erusin) and nissuin (marriage), is when the couple start their life together. It is at the first stage (kiddushin) when the woman becomes prohibited to all other men, requiring a get (religious divorce) to dissolve it, while the second stage permits the couple to each other. The ceremony that accomplishes nissuin is also known as chuppah.[2]
Today, erusin/kiddushin occurs when the groom gives the bride a ring or other object of value with the intent of creating a marriage. There are differing opinions as to which part of the ceremony constitutes nissuin/chuppah, such as standing under the canopy and being alone together in a room (yichud).[2] Erusin/kiddushin has evolved from a period in which the man was to prepare financially to marry his wife into becoming the first half of the wedding ceremony. While historically these two events could take place as much as a year apart,[3] they are now commonly combined into one ceremony.[2]
Signing of the marriage contract[edit]
Before the wedding ceremony, the groom agrees to be bound by the terms of the ketubah (marriage contract) in the presence of two witnesses, whereupon the witnesses sign the ketubah.[4] Usually these two witnesses are not closely related to the couple, but family and friends will be present for the signing. The ketubah details the obligations of the groom to the bride, among which are food, clothing, and marital relations. This document has the standing of a legally binding agreement, though it may be hard to collect these amounts in a secular court.[5] It is often written as an illuminated manuscript that is framed and displayed in their home.[6] Under the chuppah, it is traditional to read the signed ketubah aloud, usually in the Aramaic original, but sometimes in translation. Traditionally, this is done to separate the two basic parts of the wedding.[7] Non-Orthodox Jewish couples may opt for a bilingual ketubah, or for a shortened version to be read out.
Bridal canopy[edit]
A traditional Jewish wedding ceremony takes place under a chuppah (wedding canopy), symbolizing the new home being built by the couple when they become husband and wife.[8][9] The chuppah used in Ashkenazi ceremonies includes a cloth canopy held up by four beams. This structure is meant to represent the home of the new couple and is traditionally standing under an open sky. While some Sephardic weddings will also include a chuppah of a cloth canopy and four beams, some weddings will use the tallit the groom wears as the chuppah. Once the ceremony concludes the groom will wrap the tallit around himself and his new wife, signifying their joining.
Unterfirers[edit]
In many Orthodox Jewish communities, the bride is escorted to the chuppah by both mothers, and the groom is escorted by both fathers, known by Ashkenazi Jews as unterfirers (Yiddish: "Ones who lead under").[14] In another custom, bride and groom are each escorted by their respective parents.[15] However, the escorts may be any happily married couple, if parents are unavailable or undesired for some reason.[16] There is a custom in some Ashkenazi communities for the escorts to hold candles as they process to the chuppah.[17]
Seven blessings[edit]
The wedding formally begins when The Sheva Brachot are read. The Sheva Brachot or seven blessings are recited by the hazzan or rabbi, or by select guests who are called up individually. Being called upon to recite one of the seven blessings is considered an honour. The groom is given the cup of wine to drink from after the seven blessings. The bride also drinks the wine. In some traditions, the cup will be held to the lips of the groom by his new father-in-law and to the lips of the bride by her new mother-in-law.[35] Traditions vary as to whether additional songs are sung before the seven blessings.
Breaking the glass[edit]
After the bride has been given the ring, or at the end of the ceremony (depending on local custom), the groom breaks a glass, crushing it with his right foot.[36]
There are different reasonings that exist for this custom. Some believe that breaking the glass is a somber occurrence to reflect on the destruction of the two Jewish temples. Former Sephardic Chief Rabbi of Israel Ovadia Yosef has strongly criticized the way this custom is sometimes carried out in Israel, arguing that "Many unknowledgeable people fill their mouths with laughter during the breaking of the glass, shouting 'mazel tov' and turning a beautiful custom meant to express our sorrow" over Jerusalem's destruction "into an opportunity for lightheadedness."[37]
The origin of this custom is unknown, although many reasons have been given. The primary reason is that joy must always be tempered.[38] This is based on two accounts in the Talmud of rabbis who, upon seeing that their son's wedding celebration was getting out of hand, broke a vessel – in the second case a glass – to calm things down.[39] Another explanation is that it is a reminder that despite the joy, Jews still mourn the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. Because of this, some recite the verses "If I forget thee / O Jerusalem..." (Ps. 137:5) at this point.[27] Many other reasons have been given by traditional authorities.[38]
Reform Judaism has a new custom where brides and grooms break the wine glass together.
Wedding feast[edit]
After the wedding ceremony and the Yichud, the bride and groom will make a grand entrance into a room filled with friends and family to begin the celebrations. The wedding ceremony is considered a serious religious event, while the wedding feast is considered a fun, lively celebration for the couple. It is expected and required for the guests to bring joy and festivities to the couple on their wedding day.[45]
At the wedding feast, there is dancing, singing, eating, and drinking. This is broken up into two celebrations. Towards the beginning of the wedding feast, there is dancing and celebrations, but men and women are separated. After a couple of hours, a more lively celebration begins. Typically, this occurs after the older guests leave, and there is a mixing of men and women (not at orthodox weddings), and a dance is usually involved.
Dancing is a major feature of Jewish weddings. It is customary for the guests to dance in front of the seated couple and entertain them.[46] Traditional Ashkenazi dances include:
Birkat hamazon and sheva brachot[edit]
After the meal, Birkat Hamazon (Grace after meals) is recited, followed by sheva brachot. At a wedding banquet, an enhanced version of the call to Birkat Hamazon is used, including (in Ashkenazic communities) the first stanza of Devai Haser.[47] Prayer booklets called bentshers may be handed out to guests. After the prayers, the blessing over the wine is recited, with two glasses of wine poured together into a third, symbolising the creation of a new life together.[46]
Jewish prenuptial agreements[edit]
In present times, Jewish rabbinical bodies have developed Jewish prenuptial agreements designed to prevent the husband from withholding a get from his wife, should she want a divorce. Such documents have been developed and widely used in the United States, Israel, the United Kingdom and other places. However, this approach has not been universally accepted, particularly by the Orthodox.[48]
Conservative Judaism developed the Lieberman clause in order to prevent husbands from refusing to give their wives a get. To do this, the ketubah has built in provisions; so, if predetermined circumstances occur, the divorce goes into effect immediately.[49]
Timing[edit]
Weddings should not be performed on Shabbat or on Jewish holidays, including Chol HaMoed. Weddings cannot be held on Shabbat because the purpose of a wedding is for the bride to acquire her groom, and vice versa. Shabbat regulations prohibit any transactions or acquisitions, so weddings are not allowed. Additionally, for guests to arrive at the wedding via transportation or for the wedding to be a success, there would have to be labor performed that day, which is not permitted. The period of the counting of the omer and the three weeks are also prohibited, although customs vary regarding part of these periods. Some months and days are considered more or less auspicious.[50]